Dear Atticus,
Your arrival into this world was much anticipated…I was asked daily from the first week of May if there was any change or if you had arrived yet. People were just hanging around waiting for you but no one wanted you to be here more than I did.
On May 16 contractions started around 11am and continued until I called my doctor at 6pm. They had been consistently 4-5 minutes apart for over an hour. She had me to come on into the hospital. When we first arrived I was checked for dilation and I was only 1 cm. They hooked me up to a monitor and we were watched for a few hours. My contractions got as close as 3 minutes apart and then tapered off and I was sent home.
On May 19 (your official due date) I had a weekly appointment with my doctor. No progression. I was to go back on May 22. Every afternoon we were walking. I was eating eggplant. Trying things to get you moving. May 22 arrived and contractions were just here and there. Again no progression at my visit. I cried sitting on the exam table because I was afraid of what the next plan of action was. I left with the plan that I was to call my doctor's personal cell phone if anything changed over the weekend and we to go back on Tuesday as Monday was a holiday. If no change then we would schedule a Cesarean.
During this entire week your brother was sick and home with me with a high fever. I had given up on you coming naturally into this world and we focused on caring for Harrison. He was beginning to get well and Grand took him to her house for a couple of nights so I could get some good rest. On the morning of May 24, Harrison had been fever free for over 24 hours. I slept in and your Dad and I went for a late breakfast at Cracker Barrel before our weekly grocery shopping before picking him up. While we were out my contractions started to become consistent again. The pain was different this time. Each contraction ended in my back. We continued on and did our grocery shopping as I timed each contraction. After we got back home I waited another 30 minutes before calling my doctor. Once I called her she asked me to wait another hour and if they continued to go on into the hospital. We did not go get Harrison and Brooke came over to take a last picture before my belly was gone. We went for a walk as the contractions continued. My anxiety was beginning to rise. I knew if I made the choice to go into the hospital there was no leaving. One way or another you were being born.
I finally made the decision to go to the hospital around 330pm. After all the initial checks were made and we were monitored for awhile, the doctor on call came into see me. Alas, no change. I was still 1 cm. Her suggestions were to either continue to watch me, break my water, or go in for a c-section. Your Dad and I discussed the options and I knew in my heart I wanted to try any natural method to have you so I decided to have my water broken. This happened at 630pm. Now we did more waiting to see what my body would do. Your Dad and I watched the remaining 3 episodes of Breaking Bad and then tried to rest. At 1am the nurse came into to check me and I was still 1 cm. At the doctor's suggestion I was requested to take Pitocin. I did not really want it but decided to try it as it is meant to increase the pattern of contractions. During the next few hours my contraction pain increased, my blood pressure dropped and I got very nauseous. The only few moments of calm were when your Dad took my hand and rubbed my pressure points. Around 4am the nurse came in again and told me that she thought that I needed to up the dose of Pitocin as she did not think I was progressing enough. I declined and decided to just wait on the doctor to come in again before her 5am c-section. Around 445am the doctor came in. She gave me 2 options - to amp up my Pitocin or prep me for a c-section. As much as I wanted a natural birth, I knew adding more Pitocin into my system would throw that out the window and after 12 hours of being in the hospital with no change I decided it was time we meet. I text Grand and Brooke as they had been waiting for any news. Brooke came on immediately to photograph our meeting and I asked Grand to take care of Harrison and come over to the hospital around 10am. As we waited I got more and more nervous and contractions were still coming on strong which made it difficult to focus on what was about to happen. I was taken back to be prepped at 650am.
Once everything was ready, the doctor came in and your Dad was allowed to be beside me. The moment I had waited 40 weeks and 6 days for was about to happen. My last baby coming into the world. Months of worry if I was ready for this. If I would be able to love you like I love your brother. If you would fit into our family. If your Dad and Harrison would accept you. If others would love you like they have come to love Harrison. And then the greatest moment happened - the doctor began singing "Happy Birthday to you…" and the tiniest cry filled the room. Tears streamed down my face and in that moment all of my fears and worry were gone.
There was no doubt of my love for you. I am a mother again.
A mother to a perfect little boy…
I love you,
Momma
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